I just received a press release in my email for a product that urges me: “Turn your dud into a dude.”
We’re going to gloss over the fact, for the moment, that this was sent to me as a press release I’d like to “share with my readers.” We’re going to gloss over the fact that I am a blogger, not a press release distribution service.
No, we’re going to focus on the bad copywriting involved in just the subject line of this email.
I hadn’t even opened the message, and they had already rubbed me the wrong way. I clicked on it just to see what this was all about. I’m not going to out the product being pitched to me via a press release template that didn’t even have the courtesy of prefacing itself with my name, though I’m sure you could Google it if you really wanted to.
There are two basic things that the tagline got wrong here:
1. Don’t ever refer to my husband (boyfriend/significant other) as a dud. I may complain about his flaws sometimes, but you’re not allowed to do that. Only I am.
2. The word dude is seriously 20 years outdated. Despite the fact that it’s re-entered my vocabulary thanks to Hurley always saying it on LOST, dude really isn’t the description of a man my man should aspire to be. (Now, the man my man could smell like is another story…)
You can avoid alienating people like me by watching for bad copywriting traps. You may think that dud/dude is a clever play on words, but you have to make sure your play on words actually says what you want it to say, conveying the tone you want people to get from it. This particular play on words made me bristle because it implied that “my man” is a dud. (Would I have married him if he was a dud? What does that say about me?)
Once you’ve made sure your clever copy isn’t going to offend anyone – and to check this, you may want to run it by someone who’s not in marketing or PR – you need to make sure you’re not making yourself sound lame. Even using the word lame is pretty lame, but I think it gets my point across. Don’t use words that were “cool” 20 years ago (like cool). Or even 5 years ago. Unless you can pull off comic irony – which most people can’t – you just sound tired, dated, and out of touch. Is that really the impression you’re trying to make?
Clever copy isn’t really clever if you miss the mark with your target audience.
Friends don’t let friends settle for bad copywriting. If you need to dump a bad copywriter, I’ve got some phenomenal copywriters who would love to work with you to make your Web copy better.