Resumes are supposed to be pretty serious things, right? I hadn’t worried about a resume in years since starting Phenomenal Content, but a few months ago, I did try to land a gig with the Cheezburger Network, so I got a little crazy.

They never got back to me, and I assume it’s only because they hired someone like Betty White instead. (I’d pick her over me, too.) Because I don’t think I’ll ever have a use for this particular version of my resume again, I figured I’d share it with you, the Internet. All you have to do is click on this link to see it in all of its PDF glory:

Writing a resume like a boss

Oh snap, that was fabulous, right? If it made you actually interested in hiring me, my email address was on there. Use it. I’m available for writing, blogging, proofreading, editing, and social media projects. I’m on Twitter (twice), Facebook, and Pinterest most often. If you don’t need to hire me to directly complete any of the aforementioned tasks, I am also available for consulting.

The Most Awesome Resume that Never Got Me the Writing Job is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC

As the owner of a parenting blog – one of those mommy blogs I’m sure you’ve heard about – I receive a high volume of pitches and press releases from PR professionals every day. I must confess that I delete most of them without reading them. But sometimes that little one-sentence preview I can see before opening the message is enough to intrigue me. Today, that line was:

“The U.S. has one of the lowest birth success rates in the world…”

So I clicked on it, hoping it was something about ensuring prenatal nutrition and care. But the sentence continued on in a manner that made my face darken:

“…schools are testing four-day class weeks, and liberals want to take ‘one nation under God’ out of the pledge of allegiance.  What is happening to our country?”

Dear PR agency, you have just offended me, and possibly half of the other bloggers you pitched due to political alignment. You see, I happen to consider myself one of those liberals, and I take offense when “liberal” is used as a dirty word. The next paragraph continued to derail, emphasis mine:

“Patriotic artist, Jon McNaughton, created a painting representing his fear, sorrow and hope for this nation titled, ‘One Nation Under God.’  He painted it in the hopes to awaken Americans and the government to return to the principles of freedom under the Constitution and recognize God as the source of these blessings. With over 60 figures and symbols in Jon’s painting, Jesus is holding the Constitution while the founding fathers and other symbolic individuals from the past stand directly behind him.  This is to show the belief that God & Country should be united.  To the left side of the painting are the strong Americans who hold the country together while on the other side are those who are weakening it.”

So this pitch has insulted me by assuming I would agree that “liberal” is a dirty word, and it goes on to tell me that I am weakening the country because I believe in separation of Church and State – like the Founding Fathers did. Also, by branding Mr. McNaughton as a patriotic artist, that implies that I am unpatriotic because I believe strongly that, for a country founded on the ideals of religious freedom, we should not be pushing Christian doctrine through government, because we have many Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, atheist, and agnostic Americans, as well as those of other faiths, all living in our country.

And for the record, “under God” was not part of the original Pledge of Allegiance. It was added during the Cold War in 1954 by Joint Resolution of Congress after being adopted as a change by the Knights of Columbus. The pledge was also initially composed to inspire patriotism as a method of selling American flags. It was written by John Bellamy – a socialist (gasp!) – who had wanted to include “equality” and “fraternity” in the pledge, but left them out to avoid displeasing school superintendents who did not believe in equal rights for women or blacks. (Feel free to let me know if I used the wrong word there, but I know that not all people with dark skin are of African descent, which is why I did not use the term “African-American.”)

Bloggers often lament the multitude of untargeted pitches we get that clog up our mailboxes: breastfeeding gear when we have teens, “How to Talk to Your Teen about Sex” when we have babies, outdoor adventure gear for homebody tech geeks, male enhancement products for women… Oh wait, that last one was spam. But it’s the same idea. Someone who is trying to market something decided to “spray and pray,” sending out an email blast to as many people as possible, hoping that enough would act on it, without regard for the actual recipients. This may work most of the time, as bloggers are just as likely to delete anything they aren’t interested in without feeling more than mild annoyance, but when pitching something fairly controversial, it would be a much better idea to vet the bloggers you would like to reach out to. I’m sure those on the opposite end of the political spectrum from me would react similarly if they were pitched something with a decidedly liberal slant that also spoke ill of their views.

I almost told the PR agency to take me off their mailing list completely. Instead, I asked them not to send me politically oriented pitches in the future. But how many other bloggers will they lose, people who may be a perfect fit for a future pitch they will now never see?

I do not want the comment section of this post to get into political debate. I am well aware that there are people who disagree with my politics, just as I disagree with theirs. We are not going to change each other’s opinions. I would like the focus of any discussion to remain on the soundness of the decision to send out an untargeted mass email pitch like this without considering the possibility that people may be offended by its implications. There is a reason many people avoid talking about religion and politics – because they are very heated, intensely personal subjects. That being said, feel free to preface your comments with something like, “I disagree with your politics…” but kindly refrain from explaining why. I reserve the right to edit out political and religious views if I feel they are derailing the conversation about business practices.

Why Spray and Pray PR Pitches are Full of Fail is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC

In case you haven’t heard, Amy Mengel managed to convince me to get up in front of people and talk about blogging at the fourth installment of Social Media Breakfast Tech Valley, which is being held at the headquarters of the American Red Cross of Northeastern New York in Albany. Thankfully, it’s not just me up there in front of a sold out audience of 150 people… I’m part of a panel that includes Lara Kulpa of Gingko Consulting and Problogger.com, Amanda Magee of Trampoline Design Studio, and our moderator Greg Dahlmann of Uptown/Downtown Media and All Over Albany.

Here’s what other people have been saying about the upcoming blogging panel at SMBTV4:

• The #smbtv4 Eventbrite listing, with guest list
• Social Media Breakfast – Social Media Breakfast Tech Valley #4
• Bounce – Talkin’ Turkey
• Metroland Online – Social Studies
• Tech Valley Computing Culture – ReBlogging: Talkin’ Turkey

Can’t be there? The event will be live-streamed on USTREAM from 8:00-10:00 am on Friday morning, December 4. If you watch, though, remember that there’s a reason I’m a writer instead of a speaker. I hope I don’t stutter, ramble, or turn so red that I actually emit radiant heat.

Social Media Breakfast Tech Valley #4 is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC

According to Matt Cutts of Google, Internet marketers should avoid the unethical practice of buying links by paying a few pennies to the folks who complete tasks via Amazon Mechanical Turk and scoring free links from their efforts. Let me rephrase that: Google says it’s wrong to pay for other people to link to your Web site, but it’s totally cool to score hundreds or thousands of links – not by paying a professional copywriter to create an awesome resource for you – but by spending about 20 bucks for a handful of people to perform cheap labor for you with Amazon Mechanical Turk. Don’t believe me? Watch this video.

In case you’re unfamiliar with Amazon Mechanical Turk, it’s a place where companies pay unwitting individuals a few cents to complete tasks that can’t be automated. Looking to work from home? As I write this blog post, you can earn a whole penny for taking 10 minutes to answer some questions about a news article. If you do six of these tasks in an hour, you’re making an hourly wage of 6 whole cents! I tried doing these tasks when I was unemployed last year, and even with my efficiency, I wasn’t even making minimum wage.

But according to Google, this is a perfectly acceptable way to outsource crowdsource your linkbait. Matt Cutts talks about someone who paid a total of $25 to get a whole bunch of people to compile a list of adjectives about top Twitter users. This is quality content. And not just any quality content, it’s pure linkbait gold. This is what  Google wants to index. It’s completely within their guidelines for ethical SEO.

As a damn good copywriter, I take offense to this. This isn’t quality content. This is crap. This is pandering to the lowest common denominator for a quick chuckle, and paying slave wages to make it happen. Where is the quality in that? Tell me, Matt Cutts of Google’s Webspam team, why would you promote the proliferation of crap like this online instead of encouraging people to invest in something of value?

Dude, I was a Quality Rater. I know what your quality guidelines are – or at least what they were a year and a half ago. Have you really fallen so far? Do you really want to tell the world that what the Internet needs is another insipid fluff piece about Twitter? I’m sorry, sir, but you’ve just discredited everything you’ve ever said about quality content online.

And what is “white hat” about paying crap wages for something inane that could potentially make your business thousands of dollars? That may not break anything in your Webmaster guidelines, but it certainly doesn’t seem ethical to me. Just because you can get away with paying someone a nickel for 45 minutes of work doesn’t mean that you should. In fact, it would be against U.S. employment laws if there was an employee relationship involved. But that’s a whole different rant about the abuse of independent contractors.

All content is paid for in one form or another. I happen to make a living writing quality content because, during my stint as a Quality Rater, I actually wanted to try and make the Internet a better place. What’s the difference in paying writers (say, bloggers perhaps?) to review and link to your product than paying someone to produce content for you in order to attract links? On one hand, the money goes to the writer to manipulate people into linking, on the other hand, the money goes to the writer who was “manipulated” into publishing the link.

Oh wait, that’s right… bloggers should work for free and shouldn’t be paid for linking to companies in the first place. That’s essentially what it’s come down to when Google instituted this “no paid links” policy. The companies don’t suffer. They’re getting free freaking publicity by not paying bloggers to link to them. Yeah, I’m a blogger, too. It’s ridiculous how many moms I know are working for free so that they can have the “honor” of reviewing a $5 product and not get slammed for writing a paid review. It’s crap.

But Google doesn’t respect content creators. That much is clear. It just wasn’t obvious to me just how badly the search giant wanted to screw content producers until now. Google doesn’t really care about quality content. They just want everyone to jump through their hoops so they can keep making money hand over fist for other people’s hard work.

Google Says Quality is Dirt Cheap, Don’t Hire Copywriters is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC

Yeah, I’m going there. I love to watch @graywolf get his panties in a bunch about paid links and sponsored reviews, especially in light of the proposed FTC regulations. I love it mostly because I agree with him. I’m totally in the “white hat” camp – anything I work on is done with Google’s rules in mind. It’s smart business. But yeah, I think their whole ruling on paid links sucks because of the glaringly obvious double standards. I do the whole no follow thing when I review products, but I wish I didn’t have to. I disclose when I’ve received products for free, and I’m pretty honest. I mean, look at my Zarbee’s cough syrup review.

I’d like to officially announce my availability for brand advocacy for products and services I already love. Since I already love them, there’s no conflict of interest that might arise from being compensated for promoting products I might not personally believe in. (I’m not into that whole fake thing. I’d like to protect my personal integrity, thank you very much.)

If you see your product or service listed below, feel free to email me about working out some kind of product review deal, free t-shirts to wear in support of your product, conference sponsorships… the whole nine yards. Because I love you. I have over 2,000 followers between my two Twitter accounts, tweeting with my colleagues here or my fellow mom bloggers here. I’ll tweet for you, too. But I’ll no follow my blog links to your sites, because I don’t want to get smacked with the Google hammer, and I don’t want you to get  smacked by them either. Not that you necessarily need to worry about that, since Google loves brands. Oh, since I’ve never actually been in contact with any of you yet, and I’ve only ever  purchased your goodies, the following links will pass link juice.

Brands I <3 Forever

• Fiber One – I <3 you because I’ve been placed on a high fiber diet and I hate most vegetables. I first grew to appreciate your granola bars, but my true love now is your Fiber One Toaster Pastries. Particularly the Brown Sugar Cinnamon and Chocolate  flavors, although my husband and 3 year old son prefer the Strawberry. I’d love to try some of your other products.
• Coke Zero – I <3 you because I despise Diet Coke. It’s often the only diet soda available when I’m dining out, so I tolerate it, but Coke Zero is awesome. I love that our local Five Guys has Coke Zero available.
• Diet Sierra Mist – I <3 you also because you’re not Diet Coke. You have a much better flavor than Diet 7-Up and Diet Sprite. Thanks for giving up on that ridiculous Sierra Mist Free thing.
• Potato Farmers of America – Okay, so you’re not a brand. But I <3 potatoes. Mashed, baked, roasted, cooked in foil on a charcoal grill with onions… bring ‘em on!
• Cabot Cheese – I <3 your Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese the most. I <3 that you’re in Vermont, so close to me in New York. I would love to bring my son for a tour of your place.
• Pepperidge Farm Goldfish – I <3 your Original Goldfish Crackers. My son TJ prefers the “Rainbow” Goldfish Colors. I think he’d eat Goldfish at every meal if I allowed him to  do so.
• Price Chopper – I <3 your grocery store, particularly #112. I worked as a cashier at #20, where I met the man who is now my husband. I go grocery shopping every Saturday with my mom and my grandma. When I bring my son with me, we have four generations shopping together. You could totally make a commercial with us. Grandma used to work as a cashier at #20 as well, and people still stop her in public because they recognize “Betty Boop,” even though she retired more than a decade ago! Maybe you could spring for a makeover for my mom and my grandma prior to shooting – they’ve never had any such thing, and they totally deserve it. Or you could skip that part, but we would be amazing advocates for you.
• Kia – I <3 my brand new Kia Sedona. It’s the first new vehicle I’ve ever owned. It really is my dream vehicle. I bought it from a dealership that I’ve long-despised – Fuccillo Kia – but I had such a pleasant buying experience that I’ve reversed my opinion of Billy Fuccillo’s business.
• Disney – I <3 most things Disney. I have since I was little. We’re in the Disney Movie Club. I have a collection of Disney snowglobes. We’re  trying to plan and save for a family reunion at Walt Disney World in 2011. I’m totally willing to do a family-wide vlog of our trip if you want to work with us on that! Three children under the age of 7, hopefully four generations present if my grandma can make it. (She doesn’t fly because of her ear, doesn’t think she can afford the train.)
• Target – I <3 that you offer low prices without compromising customer service. I buy most of my family’s clothing from you. The resealable bags you put your Archer Farms chips in? Brilliant!  Would it help to mention that I loathe Wal-Mart with a passion and die a little inside whenever I have to go there to find something that isn’t available anywhere else?
• Restaurants – I have to group you all together because I can’t pick one favorite, and dining out is my family’s vice. We don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs… we go out to eat. We <3 you: Five Guys, Ruby Tuesday, 99 Restaurant, Outback Steakhouse, Panera Bread, Wendy’s, IHOP, Smokey Bones, Olive Garden, Fuddruckers, Chili’s, Red Robin, Cracker Barrel, Shane’s Rib Shack, Moe’s, Uno’s.
• Friendly’s – Okay, I lied. I <3 you the best because of all my childhood and high school memories that took place at your Clifton Park location. I <3 your food. My son, who is even pickier than I am, loves you food. Anyone who doesn’t love your ice cream is crazy… or lactose intolerant. We are regular customers. Our favorite waitress watched me grow up. She took care of me at lunch on my wedding day. She took care of me when I was pregnant. I give her a Christmas card every year. Your restaurant has a lot of emotional ties for me.

This is not an exhaustive list, but it’s a list I’m passionate about. If you represent one of these brands and would like to work with me, feel free to contact me by emailing me: christina at christinagleason dot com.

And that’s not to say I can’t be approached to review other products that fit my lifestyle. I’m a 30-year old happily married mother of a preschooler. I hate cleaning. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so anything involving stress relief is pretty sweet. I love junk food. I hate vegetables. But I’m trying to get healthier. Don’t worry, I now have an official blog product review policy.

* Aside from liking free stuff, I am trying to make a point that brand advocates can still be authentic, sponsored conversations are not evil, and provide an example for how not to butt heads with the FTC.

Blogger Brand Advocate for Hire is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC

After two months of preparations, it’s finally time for me to announce the launch of my new company – Phenomenal Content LLC. If you are looking for content creation services, you’re no longer hiring “just” an individual – no matter how talented this individual may be.

Any work that I cannot complete myself (due to workload or specialty) will be handled by one of my very capable hand-picked writers. I will serve as editor for anything I do not write before returning it to you. As far as I know, Phenomenal Content is the only content creation company being run by a former Google Quality Rater, so we’re in a class of our own!

If you are in the market for copywriting, blogging, or editing services, please consider using Phenomenal Content!

Announcing the Launch of Phenomenal Content LLC is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC

Before my introduction to the world of Internet Marketing, I had never even heard of a no-follow link. I’ve been blogging for a few years, so it’s not like I’m a complete Web noob.  But as a blogger who just wanted a place to write about her son and her obsession with LOST, I didn’t even know the Google Webmaster Guidelines existed.

I’m not unique in this.

Which is why I’m concerned about Matt Cutts and his recent call to action about paid links. Loren Baker of Search Engine Journal has wrapped up a lot of his concerns quite nicely in a blog post.  I think that all of my fellow mommy bloggers – and bloggers in general – should read his post. Let me pull out a few takeaway messages:

• Google does not approve of paid links in any form, including sponsored conversations like product reviews and giveaways.
• If you publish a product review or giveaway and you don’t no-follow your links, Google will penalize both you and the company that sponsored your blog post.
• A Google penalization is generally understood to mean a demotion in ranking, which means it will be harder for searchers to find you on the Google SERPs.

I’d like a show of hands from bloggers who do not consider themselves a part of the SEO/Internet Marketing industry… Do you no-follow all of your links to your blog post sponsors? Do you know how to no-follow your links? Or maybe I should’ve started with a more basic question – do you know what no-follow means?

I did a preliminary poll on my personal Twitter account, and the results were split. Half of the responses indicated that they didn’t no-follow their links, and the other half didn’t even know what no-follow meant.  From those in the know, they had determined that passing link juice to their sponsors was only fair, considering they’d offered some form of compensation.  Unfortunately, that decision has the opposite effect.  By passing link juice to the sponsor’s Web site, both the blog publisher and the sponsoring company have violated Google’s Webmaster Guidelines, which can result in losing rankings and, by extension, visitors. Incurring a Google penalty doesn’t help your blog or the sponsor!

For all of the bloggers out there who are reading this and had no idea they were doing anything wrong, you’re in good company. (As a matter of fact, I would appreciate it if you would leave a comment, and maybe I can nudge Matt Cutts to come and take a look at how many experienced bloggers are completely clueless about this whole “paid link” notion.) Here’s a little help for no-following your links:

• Don’t use your visual blog editor to create no-follow links; use the HTML editor.
• Add this to your anchor tag: rel=”nofollow”

You must do this for any links in sponsored posts, whether you’re publishing a product review, running a giveaway, or have been otherwise compensated for placing a link.  You are not doing your sponsors any favors by leaving the no-follow off.

Now that you know, you can start doing right by Google. I don’t think it’s fair that Google penalizes bloggers for breaking rules they aren’t even aware of, but I don’t make the rules. I hope that I can reach out and spread the word so that my favorite blogs don’t get whacked by the Google hammer the next time they run one of their awesome giveaways. (By the way, consider this a shout out to all of the awesome bloggers who have hooked me up with some fantastic prizes. You rock! Blog giveaways FTW!)

If you’ve got the time, it would be worth it  to go back and edit old blog posts to no-follow your links retroactively. Matt Cutts has put the call out for people to report sites that buy and sell links, so you want to protect yourself! Google doesn’t allow you to plead ignorance, and they don’t even need proof that you published a paid link. If they think you’re guilty, then you will suffer the consequences. Don’t give them any reason to suspect you. No-follow links to all of your sponsors, and you’ll be fine.

Do Bloggers Even Know They’re Breaking Google’s Rules? is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC

I’m learning a lesson as I build my business here, and I have a feeling I’m in good company. I’ve been making good progress on my client work, but my own sites have been… neglected.

It’s really a bit embarrassing. Here I am, promoting myself as a writer and a blogger, while my poor blogs sit there with just one post a week, in desperate need of a design facelift as well. This post you’re reading now? It’s been percolating in my mind since last Thursday, but I never sat here to write it until today. Tuesday.

I need to do something about this.

Schedule Time for Personal Projects

It’s time to take that handy little planner my husband made me get, and schedule time to write my own stuff, as if I was a client. I don’t want to short-change my clients, so I’ll be putting in “overtime” to get my own blog posts written.  It’s going to take a little while to get in the habit of thinking of my own projects as client work, but I realize that it has to be done. Otherwise, I’m a bit of a hypocrite for suggesting other people do the same.

Why bother with scheduling time for personal projects? I’m looking at it this way: I want to gain some more self-sufficiency.  My own blogs aren’t bringing in more than  a what my Grandpa used to call “pizza money,” but with a little time and effort, I think I can change that. I may be doing well with client work right now, but what happens if that work dries up? I need a back up plan.

It would be nice if my own projects eventually become successful enough to take the place of writing for clients. It’s a goal, but not one I’m pinning all of my hopes on. I am, after all, a writer and not a marketer. Oh, I know, I’ve worked for a marketing company, but I did what I do best, and other people did the actual marketing work. The Internet isn’t exactly a place where “If you build it, they will come” applies.  I suppose that learning about how this whole marketing thing works will be something like company-sponsored training, where I’m sponsoring myself!

Who else is in the same boat I’m in? If you’re great at working on client projects but not your own, join me in an effort to treat yourself like a client. Schedule some time every day – or several times a week – to work on projects for yourself.  Are you in? Let me know!

Schedule Yourself as a Client is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC

Article writing and blogging are completely different animals. There are some spectacular bloggers who couldn’t write a quality SEO article if their lives depended on it. Likewise, there are many article writers who just aren’t cut out for the world of blogging. It’s a lucky find when you encounter a person who can do both. (It’s your lucky day!)

I’ll tell you why I love to blog. Blogging offers a lot more freedom than article writing. I can let my personality shine through. I can connect with readers and start conversations. And all of those grammatical rules I love so much? I get to break them occasionally for stylistic reasons. (Can you spot where I did it in this paragraph?)

Let me blog for you. If you’ve got a corporate blog that needs someone to help make your business seem less… corporate, why not let me make it more human?  If you’ve got a personal or hobby blog that you just don’t have time to update regularly, let me help you out with some fresh blog posts.

Rates are negotiated on a per-project basis, starting at $100 per blog post. Big companies may ask for $150-$300 per blog post, but they charge the same to large clients and small ones. I’m not going to ask Suzy’s Scrapbooking Blog to pay the same as Giant Monster Corporation Blog. If you need blog posts, make me an offer when you contact me. (Don’t forget to include total number of posts you want, or the frequency of posts you want on a recurring basis.)

Blogging Services is a post from: Christina Gleason - Founder of Phenomenal Content LLC